How to Handle Divorced Parents During the Wedding Planning Process

Your entire wedding is meant to be a joyous occasion from start to finish, but divorced parents can sometimes throw a spanner in the works. Luckily, with a little preparation, you can ensure your wedding stays drama-free.

If you are estranged from your parent, this POST is all about how to navigate those relationships while planning your wedding.

Don’t forget to let your vendors know that there is a dynamic so you can discuss what they will do if things get spicy during your wedding day. I have no problem taking a parent by the elbow for a little about about what’s important – but I will only do that if we have all agreed that I am to step in if a parent is overstepping or causing problems.

Here are some tips that will help you navigate having divorced parents at your wedding:

Speak to your parents

One of the best ways to avoid drama is to speak to your parents individually prior to your wedding. Communicate your expectations so that everyone is doing their part to keep your day peaceful and happy.

Discuss who will be involved in different parts of the day, including the first look and walking the bride down the aisle. This way, there are no arguments or hurt feelings later on in the planning process.

There are no hard and fast rules

When it comes to deciding which parent will be involved with what, there are no distinct rules. For example, if you have a better relationship with your stepfather, it’s perfectly fine to have him walk you down the aisle instead. You could even have both fathers walk you down the aisle if they are open to it.

I have often seen brides walk with their step-father for the first part of the entrance and dad is waiting half way up the aisle for the second half.

Let everyone help

In most instances, all parents will want to help out. To avoid disagreements, find a way to give everyone a job. This way, each parent feels included in your big day and there’s no reason for anyone to fight at the wedding. Click HERE for all the wedding jobs many of us don’t think of but are so important!

Plan your photos ahead of time

Instead of things being awkward on the day of your wedding, carefully plan out family photos ahead of time. Give your photographer a clear list of who should be included in each photo so that things run as smoothly as possible. You may even want to separate certain parents by taking family photos with each at different times.

Many photographers will tell you they can’t guarantee any of the shots you have requested – if you explain the situation to your photographer and they still won’t budge on their guarantee – start looking for another one. Parental drama is an exceptional circumstance and all of your vendors should be able to work with you to make sure your day is perfect!

Think carefully about your seating plan

If you know that certain family members won’t want to sit together, assign seats at both the ceremony and reception.

I have often seen mom and step-dad on one side of the aisle and dad with step-mom on the other side just to keep the peace at the ceremony, as well as divorced parents seated at opposite ends of the reception to minimize the chance of a dramatic encounter.

If you believe one of your parents might cause a scene or go on the attack (often after a couple of drinks), consider hiring private security for your wedding. I gave one of my couples the name of a guy who does this and, although they all got through the wedding without an incident, my couple was thrilled at being able to spend their wedding day knowing someone not connected to the family was there, milling about in a nice suit, at the ready just in case he needed to put himself between parents at any time during the ceremony and reception – and my couple could stay out of it. A few hundred dollars bought a tremendous amount of peace of mind.

With these tips in mind, divorced parents are not something extra you need to worry about as you plan one of the biggest, most joyful days of your life. And remember – it’s not your job to forge peace between them whole you are getting married – they are grown adults who should be able to behave themselves for one day for the sake of their child.

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